I’m not afraid to admit that I love Craigslist. I’ve found both my apartment and job there, my swing dancing and drawing classes and I’ve met a few interesting people through their personals section (I’ll save those stories for a future blog post, in particular, the man with the personals ad entitled: “Mutant with Misshapen Head and Nude Man in Turban”).
See, CL personals are my crack. There’s no mincing of words here (unlike other dating sites). People are clear about what they want and have nothing to lose in the process. After all, it’s anonymous. It’s rare that I respond to an ad, but goddamn, are they fun to read.
(On a sidenote: In the past, I have been known to respond to CL M4M casual encounters with a picture of Sally Jessy Raphael and a subject line that reads: “You can’t say no to this shit!”. Apparently even horny gay men COULD resist those red frames. But I digress)
But what I really want to talk about, is Missed Connections. These are generally phrased like, “I was riding the 22 and I saw you sitting at the other end of the bus, holding your nose as the homeless man with the trashbag defecated in the seat next to you. I never got the chance to say hi because I was overcome with asphyxiation but you were dreamy”
The NYE Missed Connections, however, are in a league of their own. I can’t make this shit up. I came across three gems, that I feel write this entire blog post on their own:
Third Place: Looking for the sexy tranny with fake tits who I shared a cab with – m4w, 25, SOMA
You met me outside the bar as you and your friend were leaving and started kissing me and we shared a cab to your cousin’s place. We messed around in the closet and then took a cab back to the bar/club. Never got your number, if you read this please reply
This actually just sounds kinda hot. Lucky man.
Second Place: “You Were Buying Lube and We Felt Each Other” – m4w, 32, cow hollow
You were dressed in a short skirt NY style and your hair smelled nice. I’m still tingly all over from your nipples brushing me as we “accidentally” touched in the lube aisle. When you looked at me that way over your shoulder I was in a daze so I think you thought I wasn’t interested. Well sometimes it’s hard to move in a new direction when you feel like that! If you want to let’s meet up and get to know each other over a milkshake or something. Send me a pic.
Two things to note:
1. If you’re buying lube you’ve got someone in mind to use it with. And it’s not you.
2. Meet for a milkshake? What? You’re talking about brushing nipples with some chick lubing up and you want to do something wholesome like get a milkshake? I think you wanna make a milkshake in her pants *snap*
First Place: The blonde that I fingerbanged on the dancefloor of 1015 Folsom — m4w, 31, SOMA
At 1015 Folsom’s NYE celebration, probably around 12:30 or 1 AM, I was standing by the men’s room on the first floor and you, while dragging your friend with you, casually grabbed me and took me to the large, smokey dance room. There, we danced, and started kissing right away. After a while, you started to stroke my crotch and led my hand up to yours. You wore a short white dress, which made things very easy. After a few minutes of rubbing your clit through the fabric, you stuck my hand under your panties, and I proceeded to finger you. For I don’t know how long, several minutes I know, I alternated between fingering and rubbing. We didn’t try to be sneaky about it in the least bit. Neither of us cared if anyone noticed what we were doing. It was ecstatic. I couldn’t believe it was happening. You tried to get your hand down my pants, but had some difficulty with my belt. I wanted desperately to feel your hand around my cock.
Then you ditched me. You turned around, grabbed your friend and walked off. I tried following but you immediately started dancing with the first guy you could find, making it clear that you were blowing me off.
What did I do wrong? Were you expecting me to take you to the men’s room and fuck you in one of the stalls and got fed up with waiting? I admit that I wasn’t thinking too clearly because this is the first time a beautiful woman got so “frisky” with me on the dance floor and I was feeling euphoric, but the thought of taking you somewhere more intimate did cross my mind. I noticed you with other men later in the evening, getting just as grabby, but it looked like you went home all alone.
This morning, all I can think about is what else I could have done. Mainly, taking you to the restroom, bending you in front of a toilet and fucking you, not caring who all knew it was happening, just like on the dancefloor. I doubt you’ll ever read this, but if you do and ever want to get together and fuck in a men’s room stall, or anyplace else, email me. I’ll be more aggressive the next time.
Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin. A few things come to mind:
1. Girl in question is now peeing fire.
2. I’m going to make an educated guess that this chick has HSV-2, genital warts, mysterious vaginal discharge or a delicious combination of the above. I bet you do too.
More proof that CL is much more entertaining than TV.