So two of my best friends in the city are Derek and Lucius, henceforth known as My Gays. The gays are 28 going on 70,
both anxiously awaiting retirement and spend most evening shut in their house, petting their cats and not having sex.
The gays and I have a history of pranking, teasing and insulting. It’s how we say, “I love you”… or, “I loved you before you tried to give me oral gonhorrea, and now I just kindof can’t stand you”. They’re afraid of my vagina and I’m afraid of Derek’s chest hair. Frankly, the guy’s is so hairy we decided that if he ever wanted pasties all we’d have to do is shave the hair around his nipples.
The Wall of Shame
The Gays have constructed a wall of framed and signed pictures of stars from the 80′s (seriously, it’s the gayest thing I’ve ever seen in my life). They’ve got in the range of 30 “celebrities” (by the loosest possible definition): Sally Jessie, Bob Barker, some of the Golden Girls, Delta Burke, that Tutti woman from the Facts of Life and the list goes on.
As you may have picked up in my previous post, we have something of an obsession with Sally Jessie Raphael, who is in fact their favorite celebrity on the wall of shame. So several months ago, when the gays asked me to cat sit, I took the liberty of removing Sally Jessie’s picture and putting the lone frame on my bedroom wall. It took them a week to figure it out.
They returned the favor a couple months later when I was out of town and took care of my cat, leaving lewd message all over my computer.
It’s our thing, ya know?
So Derek and Lucius were once again out of town this weekend and I was called in to cat sit. And I decided to up the ante a notch:
There I am, nestled between the Gifford chick, Tony Danza, a couple of old dudes and Barry Bonds? (seriously, I don’t even understand WHY they have Barry Bonds on the wall. That’s just crazy talk).
I had to cover up their picture of Penn and Teller with my own, but I’ll keep this post updated as to when they figure it out.